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The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire

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The Ultimate Spiritual Guide for Men What is your true purpose in life? What do women really want? What makes a good lover? If you're a man reading this, you've undoubtedly asked yourself these questions—but you may not have had much luck answering them. Until now. In The Way of the Superior Man, David Deida explores the most important issues in men's lives—from career and f The Ultimate Spiritual Guide for Men What is your true purpose in life? What do women really want? What makes a good lover? If you're a man reading this, you've undoubtedly asked yourself these questions—but you may not have had much luck answering them. Until now. In The Way of the Superior Man, David Deida explores the most important issues in men's lives—from career and family to women and intimacy to love and spirituality and relationships—to offer a practical guidebook for living a masculine life of integrity, authenticity, and freedom. Join this bestselling author and internationally renowned expert on sexual spirituality for straightforward advice, empowering skills, body practices, and more to help you realize a life of fulfillment, immediately and without compromise. "It is time to evolve beyond the macho jerk ideal, all spine and no heart," writes David Deida. "It is also time to evolve beyond the sensitive and caring wimp ideal, all heart and no spine." The Way of the Superior Man presents the ultimate challenge—and reward—for today's man: to discover the 'unity of heart and spine' through the full expression of consciousness and love in the infinite openness of the present moment. Contents Part One: A Man's Way Part Two: Dealing With Women Part Three: Working With Polarity and Energy Part Four: What Women Really Want Part Five: Your Dark Side Part Six: Feminine Attractiveness Part Seven: Body Practices Part Eight: Men's and Women's Yoga of Intimacy Excerpt: This book is a guide for a specific kind of newly evolving man. This man is unabashedly masculine—he is purposeful, confident, and directed, living his chosen way of life with deep integrity and humor—and he is sensitive, spontaneous, and spiritually alive, with a heart-commitment to discovering and living his deepest truth.

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The Ultimate Spiritual Guide for Men What is your true purpose in life? What do women really want? What makes a good lover? If you're a man reading this, you've undoubtedly asked yourself these questions—but you may not have had much luck answering them. Until now. In The Way of the Superior Man, David Deida explores the most important issues in men's lives—from career and f The Ultimate Spiritual Guide for Men What is your true purpose in life? What do women really want? What makes a good lover? If you're a man reading this, you've undoubtedly asked yourself these questions—but you may not have had much luck answering them. Until now. In The Way of the Superior Man, David Deida explores the most important issues in men's lives—from career and family to women and intimacy to love and spirituality and relationships—to offer a practical guidebook for living a masculine life of integrity, authenticity, and freedom. Join this bestselling author and internationally renowned expert on sexual spirituality for straightforward advice, empowering skills, body practices, and more to help you realize a life of fulfillment, immediately and without compromise. "It is time to evolve beyond the macho jerk ideal, all spine and no heart," writes David Deida. "It is also time to evolve beyond the sensitive and caring wimp ideal, all heart and no spine." The Way of the Superior Man presents the ultimate challenge—and reward—for today's man: to discover the 'unity of heart and spine' through the full expression of consciousness and love in the infinite openness of the present moment. Contents Part One: A Man's Way Part Two: Dealing With Women Part Three: Working With Polarity and Energy Part Four: What Women Really Want Part Five: Your Dark Side Part Six: Feminine Attractiveness Part Seven: Body Practices Part Eight: Men's and Women's Yoga of Intimacy Excerpt: This book is a guide for a specific kind of newly evolving man. This man is unabashedly masculine—he is purposeful, confident, and directed, living his chosen way of life with deep integrity and humor—and he is sensitive, spontaneous, and spiritually alive, with a heart-commitment to discovering and living his deepest truth.

30 review for The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire

  1. 5 out of 5

    melissabee

    the casual reader misunderstands deida and wrongly characterizes him as stereotyping genders. this is not at all what he is doing. listen deeper. he writes/teaches about masculine and feminine energy, which is present to varying degrees in all men and women. when he describes feminine energy, he is not describing women, and when he describes masculine energy, he is not describing men. this is an important distinction. as he says, even places have masculine and feminine energies, e.g., hawaii has the casual reader misunderstands deida and wrongly characterizes him as stereotyping genders. this is not at all what he is doing. listen deeper. he writes/teaches about masculine and feminine energy, which is present to varying degrees in all men and women. when he describes feminine energy, he is not describing women, and when he describes masculine energy, he is not describing men. this is an important distinction. as he says, even places have masculine and feminine energies, e.g., hawaii has predominantly feminine energy, while new york is very masculine. the feminine is everything that changes and flows. the feminine is light and love. the masculine is stillness, nothingness. the masculine observes. each energy provides unique gifts. the masculine holds the space for the feminine - like the riverbanks (stillness) hold the space for the river (life) to flow. the feminine invites the masculine to life. those who think him to be misogynistic are missing his point entirely. the weather is feminine. any good sailor knows this. the sailor can only navigate the ocean well when he has great respect for the ocean, and knows that if the ocean wants to crush him, the ocean wins. to really understand deida, listen to him teach. there are downloadable mp3's on his website (i highly recommend 'the complete recordings,' a 3-volume set). he is at his most brilliant when he is working with people in his workshops. his use of language is disarming, in a good way. he is incredibly articulate and his powerful presence can be felt right through the recordings. i have read many books and authors on the subject of spiritual sex, and deida is by far the best. margot anand is a far second, in my opinion. this book, along with finding god through sex, should be required reading for anyone who wants to deepen their spiritual life, and understanding of relationship.

  2. 4 out of 5

    Dani

    Ok, I NEVER write reviews on goodreads (or on amazon, or anywhere else) but this time, I just had to. First, let me say I completely understand why serious feminists get their panties in a bunch over this book: the language is definitely not politically correct (the constant use of "your woman" rubbed me the wrong way at first, and he uses words like "pussywhipped" every once in a while). It's also possible to interpret some of his statements as discouraging women to have a career, life goals, a Ok, I NEVER write reviews on goodreads (or on amazon, or anywhere else) but this time, I just had to. First, let me say I completely understand why serious feminists get their panties in a bunch over this book: the language is definitely not politically correct (the constant use of "your woman" rubbed me the wrong way at first, and he uses words like "pussywhipped" every once in a while). It's also possible to interpret some of his statements as discouraging women to have a career, life goals, and a their own lives outside their romantic relationship, because he calls a lot of these efforts "masculine". However, I think Deida actually demonstrates an excellent understanding of women and the way their minds work. It's also easy to dismiss this book as new-age "woo-woo" bullshit because of some of the language and Eastern philosophy that runs through it. Please don't. Read deeper, to his meanings. Ok - so this book was written mostly for heterosexual men, but practically everyone can benefit from reading it. As a straight woman, I was happy to learn A LOT about men (the book explains so much about their priorities and the way they see the world) but was even happier with Deida's explanations about the feminine mind. Today, women are living in a world where a lot of feminine qualities are not valued - we're expected to be successful in some sort of business, intelligent and achieving, and strong. I grew up in Montana and Colorado, and can tell you that flighty feminine emotions are certainly not valued there! And I've definitely bought into the theory that women should be successful achievers too - I'm a 4th year medical student. BUT this book has allowed me to understand all my feminine qualities that I've been suppressing and hiding my whole life! Yep, I have weird emotions and change my mind a lot and speak according to what I feel at that instant. Yep, I prioritize my relationship above all else, allow my mood to be determined by my current perception of that relationship (and then figure all other elements of my life will fall into place around that relationship) Yep, I actually want my man to have a strong life purpose, and love me too. Yep, pretty much all of it. Deida's got it right. And I feel a lot better about my own "craziness" too, and am glad to hear I'm not the only strong woman hiding in a mind that sometimes misses the old gender roles and holds my relationship at the center of my life. In summary: read it. You'll learn something. Even if you don't agree with every word, it may change your life. Really.

  3. 5 out of 5

    Jason

    The core book in the teachings of David Deida. The book that stopped me in my tracks over and over again. They are very short chapters, but each 2-3 page chapter would usually take me about a week to digest. I read this for 2 years over and over again until I finally met David Deida. Let me tell you something: You can read this book for 10 years, and I guarantee you will get a hell of a lot from it doing that, but 3 days in a workshop with David was worth 2 years of reading his book. At least. So The core book in the teachings of David Deida. The book that stopped me in my tracks over and over again. They are very short chapters, but each 2-3 page chapter would usually take me about a week to digest. I read this for 2 years over and over again until I finally met David Deida. Let me tell you something: You can read this book for 10 years, and I guarantee you will get a hell of a lot from it doing that, but 3 days in a workshop with David was worth 2 years of reading his book. At least. So this review tells you how it affected me, but not what it's about... But the title says it all, so you don't need an explanation of the contents, what you need is to understand whether it's worth your time. I can't imagine it NOT being worth your time. I have given this book to countless men. My children have all read it, and given copies to their friends. Women read it and then give a copy to their husband, HOPING he reads it and GETS it. Let's put it this way: David GETS men and women. And I didn't take anything he said on face value. NOT A PIECE OF IT. I tested it ALL. And there are few times when his insights into the Masculine working the Feminine is wrong. This is THE book for men. Period. But let me warn you. I've given this to a lot of men who have loved it, and their lives have changed dramatically... but I've given it to a lot of men who have discarded it and return to the couch. Its challenging. But I love that about it.

  4. 5 out of 5

    Will

    I have a problem with books like this, in that no matter how much good advice they present (i.e. take responsibility for your life), they do so from an incorrect perspective -- that you have a "masculine" or "feminine" energy (which I object to in itself, as it confuses personal spirituality and morality with gender roles) and that the best thing you can do is try to be the best "man" that you can. Which, coincidentally, Mr Deida can tell you all about, and can even present to you in a seminar f I have a problem with books like this, in that no matter how much good advice they present (i.e. take responsibility for your life), they do so from an incorrect perspective -- that you have a "masculine" or "feminine" energy (which I object to in itself, as it confuses personal spirituality and morality with gender roles) and that the best thing you can do is try to be the best "man" that you can. Which, coincidentally, Mr Deida can tell you all about, and can even present to you in a seminar for a special low cost for you, or you can attend one of his seduction classes. Yay. But even besides that: WHY be the best man you can be by his lights? The world that Mr Deida presents isn't one that I find appealing or even desirable. I don't like it. I see no reason why I should like it. "You be the big strong man and I'll be the woman helpless to resist you" looks like a fun game to play, and I'm sure there are women out there that would like a man to play this game with them -- but I wouldn't want to make a life with anyone who confused the game with a philosophy for life.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Jim

    Wow. So this is a very controversial book. It was introduced to me by a friend of mine just going through a divorce, and feeling like he'd suppressed his masculine side for 20 years (of which I actually witnessed the final few years). It wasn't that he was emasculated by his wife so much as he was willing to bury a part of him resulting in him not exploring his full potential, and living a life true to his nature. He was living this book like a paint-by-numbers guidebook. BUT... it was working ( Wow. So this is a very controversial book. It was introduced to me by a friend of mine just going through a divorce, and feeling like he'd suppressed his masculine side for 20 years (of which I actually witnessed the final few years). It wasn't that he was emasculated by his wife so much as he was willing to bury a part of him resulting in him not exploring his full potential, and living a life true to his nature. He was living this book like a paint-by-numbers guidebook. BUT... it was working (for him). I hadn't read it, but my superficial take was that it was a little too... well... tidy. Too placebic (that a word? should be ;-) So I actually circulated it to several strong women I know. You know, a sort of acid test to those women who I felt would be most sensitive to a message of "be a better man by embracing the masculine." Their first superficial reaction was as expected-- umbrage, and even outrage. But then, slowly, as they digested it, and the message percolated, they kinda universally (and separately, I might add) *liked* the idea of a man being a man. That is, a masculine man being a masculine man, and learning how to treat a woman as a feminine entity. I was kinda shocked. So I read it. While no book can be a panacea for anything, there are some good lessons for us confused post-women's-lib men who sometimes get confused about when to open a door for a women and when to ensure they get equal pay. (Badly kept secret: they want both!)

  6. 5 out of 5

    Kimberly

    If you feel drawn to this book, read this book. If you're curious about this book, read this book. If you strongly dislike charismatic people and are slightly jealous that one man can summon so much energy through his research to write a book that doesn't degrade women, focuses on a man finding his passion, discusses the natural polarity of relationships and cuts to the core of one's self definition of manhood - then maybe this book would be more your style: The Game This is a book for a man (or If you feel drawn to this book, read this book. If you're curious about this book, read this book. If you strongly dislike charismatic people and are slightly jealous that one man can summon so much energy through his research to write a book that doesn't degrade women, focuses on a man finding his passion, discusses the natural polarity of relationships and cuts to the core of one's self definition of manhood - then maybe this book would be more your style: The Game This is a book for a man (or a female, in my case, as I love men) to reflect on their purpose, point of presence and goals in life. The structure of the book is more of a meditative process than a linear textbook teaching. Within the pages, no annoying "case studies" of how Jenny and Jeff did what he suggested and became better people await you. This book invites you to be masculine, heart centered and awake in the world. I have a deeper understanding of the type of man I want in my life and how to respect them, and myself, more. There are many authors out there that write on the message presented on the book. Good for them. Read this book.

  7. 4 out of 5

    Millionaire Hoy

    Every now and then I read a book that makes me go "where the hell has this book been my entire life". In “The Way of the Superior Man”, David Deida provided the best relationship advice I’ve read since Bertrand Russell’s’ “Marriage and Morals” or “Mating in Captivity” by Esther Perel, the best advice on male sexuality since Mantak Chia’s “The Multi-Orgasmic Man”, and not since Viktor E. Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning” has a book made me “check” myself and reevaluate my actions more. Although Every now and then I read a book that makes me go "where the hell has this book been my entire life". In “The Way of the Superior Man”, David Deida provided the best relationship advice I’ve read since Bertrand Russell’s’ “Marriage and Morals” or “Mating in Captivity” by Esther Perel, the best advice on male sexuality since Mantak Chia’s “The Multi-Orgasmic Man”, and not since Viktor E. Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning” has a book made me “check” myself and reevaluate my actions more. Although the title of this book had me thinking that it was one to advocate autocratic behavior or male domination, David Deida’s appeal for the Superior Man is one that takes a stance against being a mediocre man; an appeal for responsibility and understanding in place of laziness and chaos. Deida understands of the masculine and feminine essence and temperament is unparalleled in anything that I’ve ever read and I’d go as far as to say that “The Way of the Superior Man” is a book that every man should read at least once in their life time. In this book, David Deida is unapologetic in his approach on male/female relations and after hearing his profound relationship advice, I was left thinking “Doink! That’s why I’ve been falling flat on my face all these years”. “The Way of the Superior Man” is packed with sound advice, but I must say that I’ve extracted the most value from the sections where he informed men to feed from feminine energy and, for a lack of a better word, “use” the women in their lives as a guide to determine whether or not you’re living life to the fullest of your capabilities. I’m glad that I had the opportunity to read this gem, which was recommended to me by a good friend – who, surprisingly, is a woman. Thanks a lot, Dayna. 5 Stars.

  8. 5 out of 5

    Umugaba

    Stop hoping for a completion of anything in Life: most men make the error of thinking that one day it will be done. Do what you love to do, what you are waiting to do, what you've been born to do, NOW. Live with an open heart even if it hurts A free man is free to acknowledge his fears, without hiding them, or hiding from them.Live with your lips pressed against your fear, kissing your fears, neither pulling back nor aggressively violating them. Never change your mind just to please a woman: you sho Stop hoping for a completion of anything in Life: most men make the error of thinking that one day it will be done. Do what you love to do, what you are waiting to do, what you've been born to do, NOW. Live with an open heart even if it hurts A free man is free to acknowledge his fears, without hiding them, or hiding from them.Live with your lips pressed against your fear, kissing your fears, neither pulling back nor aggressively violating them. Never change your mind just to please a woman: you should always listen to your woman, and then make your own decision. Your purpose must come before your relationship: your mission is your priority. Lean just beyond your edge: own your fear, and lean just beyond it, in every aspect of your life, starting now. Do it for love:there is no essential difference between entering your woman's feminine heart and entering fully into the world. Both forms of intercourse, sexual and worldly, require sensitivity, spontaneity, and a strong connection to deep truth in order to penetrate chaos and closure in a way that love prevails. If you don't know your purpose, discover it, NOW: without a conscious life-purpose a man is totally lost, drifting, adapting to events rather than creating events. The superior man is not seeking fulfillment through work and woman, because he is already full. for him, work and intimacy are opportunities to give his gifts. Be willing to change everything in your life: ...you will experience layer after layer of purposes, each one getting closer and closer to the fullness of your deepest purpose. as you dissolve each layer and move toward the center, you will more and more be living from your deeper purposes. Don't use your family as an excuse Dont' get lost in tasks and duties Stop hoping for your woman to get easier: a woman will always test her man for the pleasure of feeling his strength in loving, his capacity to transcend nuisance, his persistence in his own truth, and his capacity to share the truth in love with her, even when she is complaining, especially when she is complaining. The truth of the feminine is whatever she is really feeling, in this present moment. Praise your woman Instead of tolerating your woman's moods of closure and complaint, open her moods with your skillful loving. Don't analyze your woman: 90% of a woman's emotional problems stem from feeling unloved Don't suggest that a woman fix her own emotional problem: one of the deepest feminine desires in intimacy is to be able to relax and surrender, knowing that her man is taking care of everything. a happy woman is a woman relaxed in her body and heart: powerful, unpredictable, deep, potentially wild and destructive, or calm and serene, but always full of life. the best way you can serve your woman is by helping her to surrender, to trust the force of love, so that she can open her heart, be the love that she is, and give this love which naturally overflows from her happiness. Stay with her intensity, to a point. Keep your breath full. keep your body strong. keep your attention present. no matter what your woman says and does, give her love. Don't force the feminine to make decisions: you need to play the masculine pole if you want your woman to play the feminine. always help your woman make decisions by giving her your perspective and telling her your choices, while letting her know that you love her regardless of the decision she makes. Your attraction to the feminine is inevitable. if you feel uncomfortable with your attraction to women, you are probably uncomfortable with your own masculine essence. Any negative attitude you have about your attraction to women is a sigh of fear; somewhere along the line you learned that such attraction was bad or evil. your attraction to women, all kinds of women, is natural, normal and beautiful. in fact, it is an aspect of the same desire that will ultimately lead you toward spiritual freedom. Chose a woman who i your complementary opposite: you will only be happy in intimacy if you choose a woman who is your sexual reciprocal as a partner. and you will only be able to survive such an intimacy if her dark and light sides are equally embraceable to you. .....

  9. 4 out of 5

    Brad

    Typical, new age bunk. Takes a truth from the Bible (gender roles) and harps on it like there was no other point to life (there is). Obsessed with sex. What a waste of paper. No real inventive thought here at all.

  10. 5 out of 5

    Christie

    I cannot believe the high ratings of this book! It is terrible. Simply terrible! There are shards of stereotypical gendered roles in it for sure, so I'm sure that will ring true enough to some people. Am I a feminist in that I expect women and men to be treated equally, yes. I have never, ever put down men as a group. In fact I'm the one that usually ends up defending them. I would say a truly strong person never needs to "ballbust" because they are secure enough in their own strength/competency I cannot believe the high ratings of this book! It is terrible. Simply terrible! There are shards of stereotypical gendered roles in it for sure, so I'm sure that will ring true enough to some people. Am I a feminist in that I expect women and men to be treated equally, yes. I have never, ever put down men as a group. In fact I'm the one that usually ends up defending them. I would say a truly strong person never needs to "ballbust" because they are secure enough in their own strength/competency not to have to put another "gender" down to feel more powerful. This is what Deida completely misses! A feminine energy, as Deida describes it, can still be strong, smart, gentle, independent, loving and not try to decimate the masculine people of the world. With the research I've done, the biggest problem I run into is that people won't believe how destructive women can be (and not just mentally!).I tried to read this book with an open mind and at first I was doing ok, but the deeper I got, the worse it got and the more I kept shaking my head. There is no research behind this book. But what can we say...he's smart to have written a controversial book because let's face it, controversy sells! His division of what is feminine and masculine right up front is absurd. Feminine and Masculine are not mutually exclusive and exhaustive in people. If you want to get more "zen", then both feminine and masculine energies exist in everything to be at a balance at least to some degree. At the beginning of every chapter, he gives a general truth that is (and has been held) in many cultures so at first it doesn't seem so off and admittedly I found myself being amused. But then as he starts to explain his ideas more thoroughly, they fall apart quickly to anyone who has ever done or read research on pretty much anything related at all to men and women (or heck even anyone who is able to think critically). At first, he makes it clear that he is talking about sexual essence, but then later he extrapolates further to just feminine and masculine. He also clearly thinks that the feminine energy is always the more vulnerable and is always on the receiving end of wrong behaviour (i.e. affairs). And he never addressed that a person can be all the energies at different times and still be successful in and out of the bedroom. You could generally be a "hot feminine energy" most of the time but that doesn't mean in the appropriate situation you can't be a "cool" one. That is assuming you buy into his divisive mindset at all. There is so much more to a successful relationship than just having polarity in your sexual essences! Would a very masculine male want to be in a relationship with a very feminine woman who would cheat, steal, be emotionally unstable? Doubtful, but according to Deida a masculine energy can be strong enough to change this behaviour... yeah nice try! I think many people want to believe his opinion and so they accept what rings true and ignore all the other crap (sorry to use that word, but that's the cleaner version). It is so easy to accept information that is already believed to be true and ignore the rest that doesn't fit with their way of thinking. Near the end of the book he starts to discuss basically chakra work, but he has just written the cliff note version at best. I would never recommend this book of less than pop-psychology. It goes against the hundreds of studies that are out there...so who is buying this book? Is it just people wanting to adhere to or return to the traditional gender roles of the 50s??

  11. 5 out of 5

    know1

    One thing almost freaked me out. I could relate to almost 100% of what David wrote, and I mean 100% - there was hardly a single line in the whole book that did not resonate with me on the most intimate level. Every tiny thing that I thought was just an idiosyncrasy of my own - the way I related to daily routine, to solitude, to ejaculation, to philosophy, to women, the way I thought about sports, God and freedom, etc. - it is all here, exposed. I had a taste of this deep intuitive resonance when One thing almost freaked me out. I could relate to almost 100% of what David wrote, and I mean 100% - there was hardly a single line in the whole book that did not resonate with me on the most intimate level. Every tiny thing that I thought was just an idiosyncrasy of my own - the way I related to daily routine, to solitude, to ejaculation, to philosophy, to women, the way I thought about sports, God and freedom, etc. - it is all here, exposed. I had a taste of this deep intuitive resonance when reading Nietzsche, the Stoics or Kazantzakis, but nothing at this level. It felt like it was written by my older, wiser self. I don't know how alike we all actually are, but I recommend the book especially to those men who identify themselves with xNTJ personality type. I can't possibly imagine that it could have been written by somebody other that a really well-developed INTJ, or perhaps ENTJ. Well, I guess this is it: I have no more excuses for anything in life.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Hugh Kennedy

    I actually had to stop reading the Book The Way of the Superior Man after reading about 1/3 of it. I found his writing to be extremely Chauvinistic bordering on a complete dislike and disrespect of women. (misogyny) It seemed like I was reading something from the 1940's to 50's from his views of how a man should be in life or act?? His way of thinking of how couples and what a Man is in particular should live his life are not suited to me. I Believe strongly in masculinity, but I also believe th I actually had to stop reading the Book The Way of the Superior Man after reading about 1/3 of it. I found his writing to be extremely Chauvinistic bordering on a complete dislike and disrespect of women. (misogyny) It seemed like I was reading something from the 1940's to 50's from his views of how a man should be in life or act?? His way of thinking of how couples and what a Man is in particular should live his life are not suited to me. I Believe strongly in masculinity, but I also believe that a strong man is one that is not afraid of showing his soft side or expressing true feelings. It takes strength to be a real feeling person when so many obstacles are put in our path to hide our softer emotions. Maybe he changes farther on in the book? I was unable to keep reading due to his Message and how he wrote it. (He actually said that A Man's Purpose in life was more important than his relationship with his partner/ wife) That bothered me quite a bit!

  13. 4 out of 5

    Kimberly Laura Malone

    David Deida does a bang up job as your new best friend. Giving men an opportunity to be heard, affirmed and admonished by one of their peers. Giving them the sort of challenge that only another man can pose. His blunt simplicity in tackling the real issues men face when moving into their 'full man strength' - as my girlfriends and I call it - is as educational as it is entertaining. And just when you are comfortable with this book as an Oprah-era self help tome, all neat and tidy for prime time, Mr David Deida does a bang up job as your new best friend. Giving men an opportunity to be heard, affirmed and admonished by one of their peers. Giving them the sort of challenge that only another man can pose. His blunt simplicity in tackling the real issues men face when moving into their 'full man strength' - as my girlfriends and I call it - is as educational as it is entertaining. And just when you are comfortable with this book as an Oprah-era self help tome, all neat and tidy for prime time, Mr. Deida hits you with a raw sensuality and Taoist connectivity that finds you with your hand down your pants (or up your skirt, as it was in my case.) And in order to unlock the Heart of every matter along the way he paints lines of prose with Haffizian precision. You learn to leave it open, even if sometimes it hurts. Gentlemen, be prepared. Completing the challenges posed by this book may have you feeling beyond all grown up.

  14. 5 out of 5

    Justina

    This book is for any guy who has ever tried in vain to understand women. And for any woman who is interested in how men and women complement, and therefore frustrate, each other. I have never felt so explained before, in a way that I could never have done myself. At times a bit condescending, and there was some profanity I thought unnecessary, but overall an incredible book.

  15. 5 out of 5

    Jenny

    Amazing read, all men should read this. He nails the masculine/feminine archetypes and suggests that men take more responsibility for the relationship by always focusing on their purpose, and women focusing on their radiance. It's hard for me to put into words the impact this book has had -- ultimately it was a huge relief to know that my big dream for what I want in a relationship is not impossible -- it is articulated beautifully by Deida in this book.

  16. 4 out of 5

    Ole Hylland Spjeldnæs

    As someone generally extremely critical of this sort of stuff, i decided to try and have somewhat of an open mind towards self-development. Still, i would say most of this book consists of that which i cannot possibly justify as being anything other than spiritual new age bullshit, but there are some good parts as well, thus it exceeded my personal expectations

  17. 5 out of 5

    Christine

    As a professional spiritual counselor and sex educator, this book has been on my "to read" list for years, but it wasn't until a client mentioned it to me recently that I went from idly flipping through it to reading and absorbing it. As a strong, independent woman, I initially scoffed at it, but upon deeper examination I think this book offers a profound challenge to the man who reads it if he's willing to take the philosophy on. The first common misconception seems to be that Deida is calling f As a professional spiritual counselor and sex educator, this book has been on my "to read" list for years, but it wasn't until a client mentioned it to me recently that I went from idly flipping through it to reading and absorbing it. As a strong, independent woman, I initially scoffed at it, but upon deeper examination I think this book offers a profound challenge to the man who reads it if he's willing to take the philosophy on. The first common misconception seems to be that Deida is calling for a return to 1950's stereotypes of traditional male and female roles when nothing could be further from the truth. What he's talking about is masculine and feminine energy and polarizing them in relationship for the purpose of bringing out the best in both partners. The gauntlet he throws down is an invitation for the man reading to take responsibility for his purpose and direction in life and to open himself fully to love, neither blaming nor resisting the inherent fluid, intuitive nature of "his woman". One of the key points he hits on, which partially answers the age old question of "What do women really want?" is the issue of TRUST. A crucial and irreplaceable part of any relationship, and I think, particularly key to understanding women, period. I loved that he embraced the idea that women not only continue to test their men, but that in doing so they are assisting in awakening them to stay on point with their own purpose. Brilliant. All this being said, I still have to say I had many eye-rolling moments while reading. i.e.: The idea that the sexiest woman in any given room is the one who is the most "bonkers", prone to lying and changing her mind every time the wind blows. Or that the way to get a woman to open up to her true loving nature is to lick her face in the middle of a fight. Or that the man is responsible for the direction of growth in the relationship while the woman is responsible for the man's erection... Oh. my. Yes, this book is controversial; deliberately and cleverly so. Can every man live his life this boldly and unapologetically? Will this philosophy work for every relationship? No and no. But I can see the attraction of the book and the philosophy for both sexes. What I would suggest is that any man who wishes to base his relationship on Deida's ideals, that that man should also buy a copy of the book to hand out to his partner and then immediately get into counseling with someone who also understands and can work with him and/or support the couple in this vision. This ain't the philosophy of the '50's he's purporting here, kids. It's a whole bold, brave new world of mature, responsible, conscious men and as just five minutes of flipping through today's news headlines will tell you, never has this world needed it more!

  18. 5 out of 5

    Mike

    It's politically incorrect. It's sexist. It's gender essentialist. It's woo. It's silly. It's sanctimonious. It makes unjustified generalizations. It's demeaning to both women and men. It's unsupported by scientific evidence. However. There are grains of truth. At the very least, Deida is offering a new set of models to work from, where our existing models are inadequate. Models which, for many couples, probably come close enough to the truth to be useful. Many men really are primarily driven by t It's politically incorrect. It's sexist. It's gender essentialist. It's woo. It's silly. It's sanctimonious. It makes unjustified generalizations. It's demeaning to both women and men. It's unsupported by scientific evidence. However. There are grains of truth. At the very least, Deida is offering a new set of models to work from, where our existing models are inadequate. Models which, for many couples, probably come close enough to the truth to be useful. Many men really are primarily driven by their Purpose. Many women really do prioritize their relationship above all else. For couples like this, when the man is not true to his purpose the woman senses this and loses trust in him. She may not be consciously aware of it, but she will be upset, and in this case it really is the man's fault, and arguably his responsibility to remedy the situation. The way I understand it, personalities vary along several axes, and some of these have some correlation to gender. The differences in how one takes a person's track record or reputation into account, e.g.: Deida says men more strongly consider someone's reputation and are more willing to let a minor transgression slide, while women will judge solely based on someone's most recent behavior. I'd guess that this is largely true. It explains why those with this personality trait might love and stay with an abusive partner who runs hot and cold. Crucially, before reading WotSM I've thought it unfair when harshly judged by my partner for small mistakes; now I understand that my partner was someone who only takes recent actions into account. The key to making use of the kind of advice in this book is to remember that we are in relationships with individuals, not archetypes. "Women" behave in this way, but this particular woman behaves that way, and it's more important to know and understand the latter than the former. Relationships are subtle and complex, and their dynamics depend on personalities and circumstances and unchangeable human nature in mostly unpredictable ways. Build a better model of yourself, your partner, and your relationship, and you'll do better navigating these waters.

  19. 5 out of 5

    Henrik

    Read again late November 2013: And I stand by the 4-star rating and review. A couple of things make more sense to me now, interestingly enough. Original review: An interesting book with interesting and, I imagine, provocative views on many a thing concerning the masculine and the feminine. But when all is said and done I think much of what the author says is, essentially, true. Not something I would have said two years ago but now, well, now I do;-) My main problem with the book was the unnecessary Read again late November 2013: And I stand by the 4-star rating and review. A couple of things make more sense to me now, interestingly enough. Original review: An interesting book with interesting and, I imagine, provocative views on many a thing concerning the masculine and the feminine. But when all is said and done I think much of what the author says is, essentially, true. Not something I would have said two years ago but now, well, now I do;-) My main problem with the book was the unnecessary repetition. It should have been cut by at least 25%. And of course there are also things in it I am sceptical about but even they are acceptable to me, since they remain interesting tidbits of food for thought, which is always useful.

  20. 5 out of 5

    Mason Frierson

    I read this book after seeing it enthusiastically recommended by various sources online, with some ringing endorsements from a few people. I bought it in spite of knowing that it's big with the PUA community. I was very excited to get the chance to read it, but I must admit that I was extremely disappointed. As others have pointed out, Deida has no real professional credentials to fall back on, and his official bio is vague. From what I’ve gathered he has no PhD or PsyD or any other type of doct I read this book after seeing it enthusiastically recommended by various sources online, with some ringing endorsements from a few people. I bought it in spite of knowing that it's big with the PUA community. I was very excited to get the chance to read it, but I must admit that I was extremely disappointed. As others have pointed out, Deida has no real professional credentials to fall back on, and his official bio is vague. From what I’ve gathered he has no PhD or PsyD or any other type of doctoral degree, he dropped out of school before he earned it. His undergraduate degree is in Theoretical Psycho biology and his masters is in Biology. He claims to have taught courses and have done research at several colleges but doesn't mention that any of it relates to the subject matter of this book. Mentions a lot about a background in yoga, spirituality, Buddhism, and no surprise here, creative writing. He also isn't licensed as a therapist and makes the claim that everything that he has taught and written since 1989 is free of the influence of academic and spiritual institution. He considers himself "an entertainer," much like the scam artists who masquerade as "gurus" in other fields. His book comes across as little more than the egotistical blovating of a narcissist who's out to bilk his followers for all the love and attention he can get by regurgitating quasi-spiritual pablum. Deida's prose is sometimes called "poetic," which is a nice way of saying that he's cheesy, vague, and likes to spout trite New Age cliches as if they were ancient wisdom. This was an immediate turnoff as I began reading. What do phrases like "give your gift" mean, exactly? I still don't know, even after seeing this phrase repeated several hundred times. There are more than a few statements which follow this formula: "IF you don't do this or IF you are this...THEN you are a weak man." I found these judgmental statements more goading towards believing the author's assertions, and basing a man's relative weakness or strength on a single, limited dimension rather than letting the reader decide the validity of the author's statements. The language used is a bit dramatic. I cannot count how many times I have read the word "penetrate." There are also a ton of problems with Deida's "masculine/feminine polarity" thesis. For example, his "feminine essence" is embodied in a woman who's young and physically attractive... and a mindless basketcase of flighty emotions totally incapable of consistency or controlling herself. When she does develop her "masculine side" to develop some self control and capacity for respect and rational thought, then Deida describes her as becoming an asexual shrew. Either way, a woman is certain to be hell to deal with, in Deida's view. "The Superior Man" just accepts this as true and rolls with the punches she gives him. The author uses the binary opposition of masculine vs. feminine polarity to explain the intensity and the flow of energy in a relationship, which can be somewhat helpful, though its usefulness relies on what the reader's stereotypical experience of masculine and feminine are. Further, he divides up the population of men as 10% balanced between a masculine/feminine core, 10% with a feminine core and 80% of men with a masculine core. There's no empirical evidence presented for this assertion, so I assume this is the author's best guess, but I think at that point, the usefulness of the "polarity" concept's application to relationships is being overused. Human relationships are far more complicated than the polarity of the masculine and feminine--- as presented by the author in some wildly vague terms. And unfortunately, I think some of his concepts of women reinforce an unenlightened male stereotype and therefore help perpetuate those stereotypes. The author asserts that women are not liars. Well I'm sure they aren't anymore than males are. But the author goes to say that as a man, you need to take responsibility by being prepared for your woman to back out of important decisions. Why? Because she is a woman and that's the way they are. Deal with it. It's simply preposterous and misses the whole point of basic adult responsibility that applies to both sexes. Some of these concepts are that much more dangerous if applied to a woman who suffers from an anti-social personality disorder such as narcissism or sociopathy. These types of women will use a man's sense of responsibility against him and some of the concepts presented by the author here predispose, especially younger, less experienced men, to these type of dysfunctional relationships. A healthy relationship requires communication, boundaries, mutual respect for each other as human beings. The only "relationship" that Deida's rules might actually apply to would be a quick fling here or there, which is probably why the Pick Up Artist community and its crazed thinking on gender matters treats this as gospel. There are certainly some worthy passages about being congruent with yourself so that your woman trusts you such as how it's important for a man to pay attention to a woman's emotions and not try to fix her problems, how women want a man who's steadfast and has a direction and goal in life, and how many women prefer a guy who takes the lead in a relationship and handles the traditional male gender roles. And I liked the idea that in any intimate relationship, we can grow in leaps and bounds, but I think this also ignores the extremely desirable effects of biochemistry which predispose humans to being in "intimate" relationships. Again, the book is too simplistic and too one-dimensional in its perspective. And the most common solution to any problem a man may have with a woman in their relationship, that one reads page after page, is that you should suddenly create new energy in the moment, give your woman your full consciousness and embrace her with love. You should be living in full consciousness regardless of your woman. However, this book is not worth sifting through the author's bloated, shallow, cliche ridden New Age onanism to find.

  21. 5 out of 5

    John Montgomery

    I wish someone had given me this book as a young man, not as a middle-aged one because I might have become a half-decent person sooner in life. David Deida explains how men and women each run masculine and feminine energy but rarely make peace with these complementary life forces. Our society does a poor job of helping us embrace our masculine and feminine sides, and often celebrates sexuality at the debasement of the gifts of each of the gender archetypes. Too often the attraction of the radian I wish someone had given me this book as a young man, not as a middle-aged one because I might have become a half-decent person sooner in life. David Deida explains how men and women each run masculine and feminine energy but rarely make peace with these complementary life forces. Our society does a poor job of helping us embrace our masculine and feminine sides, and often celebrates sexuality at the debasement of the gifts of each of the gender archetypes. Too often the attraction of the radiance of a woman who operates from the full power of her feminine or the charisma of a man who operates from the full majesty of his masculine is conflated with sexual desire. Although the voice of the narrator is annoyingly omniscient, this book suggests how men can evolve beyond "the macho jerk ideal, all spine and no heart" into having spine and heart united. Although written primarily for men, this book also provides useful insights for women and suggests language for successfully navigating this charged and treacherous territory, which is unnecessarily painful for both genders.

  22. 4 out of 5

    Amir Tesla

    This a book on how a man of confidence and superior ethics must deal with the love of his life. There are a lot of gems and insights provided by the author which really opened my eyes to intimate relationships.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Becca

    This book has a few little nuggets of truth about some women and how to react to them from a male perspective. Which is great and valuable and I don't want to undermine that the author does come through with a couple points that could potentially really aid in the understanding between two people in a relationship. However, I don't think that small amount of value derived from reading this is worth the large amount of unhelpful, if not harmful, misinformation that also come through in the writin This book has a few little nuggets of truth about some women and how to react to them from a male perspective. Which is great and valuable and I don't want to undermine that the author does come through with a couple points that could potentially really aid in the understanding between two people in a relationship. However, I don't think that small amount of value derived from reading this is worth the large amount of unhelpful, if not harmful, misinformation that also come through in the writing. My main issues with this book were that I feel like the author was leaning substantially on outdated gender stereotypes. I also take issue with the author's constant and continual insistence on creating the illusion that women have "magic" powers or "energies". The final thing I thought was problematic was the title itself, he continues throughout the book to describe the "superior man" and his ideal set of behaviors, to assume that this one way of life or this one path makes one man superior over another is absurd. Deida continually uses broad sweeping generalizations about gender roles and basically uses this as the backbone of the entire book. He does try to neutralize that he is doing this by saying that some people have a blend of feminine and masculine. But after that completely reverts back to a point of view of writing about a people as if they were all purely masculine or purely feminine. He even goes so far as to state that people that were in relationships without the perfect "balance" of masculine and feminine were doomed to sexual frustration, misunderstanding and eventual failure. I found it very limiting that the sliding scale of human gender and sexuality was very nearly ignored and when it was mentioned it was handled as an extreme outlier. I for one consider myself to be very feminine but according to Deida I have a masculine tendency towards logic, rationality, and career goals. Which means my loving relationship with my masculine boyfriend is out of balance and not working. This book is supercharged with spirituality and I knew that going in. I wasn't expecting the avalanche of mystical terminology/ideology surrounding the topic and description of women. This man very nearly turns women into the gods of his own religion with this book. They have spiritual essence, they have magic energies that heal and refresh men's spirits, they also are conspiring to make you a stronger man by challenging you, by asking you to clean the garage they are testing your strength and resilience as a "superior man" and are secretly trying to push you forward on your "life mission". Now I'm not saying I don't understand why he did this. He very effectively uses women as a tool to engage his male readers to comply with his prescribed set of actions that supposedly make him a superior man. I do not however think the ends justify the means. There are two ways to dehumanize someone one is to degrade them the other is to idolize them. Women are not depicted as fully realized human beings with their own motivation and desires in this book. They are merely vehicles of male satisfaction and exist mostly to encourage and test a man along his "mission". This is problematic enough in media with characters but to treat women this way in such a general way is concerning. Trigger warning: Rape The Author claims that the difference between ravishing a sexual partner and raping someone is love. This is a dangerous and offensive thing to teach people. The real difference is CONSENT. Consent is the only ingredient in a sex act that makes it not rape.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Jerry

    I would say that the best thing that I learned from this book is the "inhale down the front, exhale up the back" breathing technique. It's very relaxing and I especially like doing it while I'm at the gym; I think it makes my abs firmer which make me look fitter. I thought it was funny how the author basically makes it seem like most women are crazy and emotionally unstable. According to him, that's what makes them beautiful. Made me wonder if he knew some of the same girls that I've met. Like m I would say that the best thing that I learned from this book is the "inhale down the front, exhale up the back" breathing technique. It's very relaxing and I especially like doing it while I'm at the gym; I think it makes my abs firmer which make me look fitter. I thought it was funny how the author basically makes it seem like most women are crazy and emotionally unstable. According to him, that's what makes them beautiful. Made me wonder if he knew some of the same girls that I've met. Like most self-help books, it was mostly common sense except this one had some new-age craziness mixed with it. There was some good advice and then there were times when I had no idea what he was talking about. And this is from someone who actually meditates (whenever I have time to which is almost never) so it's not like I have something against this sort of spiritual growth. All in all, I liked it and recommend it. Do I feel like a more "superior man" after reading it? Well, I did just kill a roach without using Raid so, yeah, I would have to say so. You don't really get any more "superior manly" than that, I don't think.

  25. 4 out of 5

    Aziza Aouhassi

    Excellent! A must-read for everyone, especially for men and women in quest of superiority i.e. To meet human-being purpose. It is time to evolve beyond the macho jerk ideal, all spine and no heart," writes David Deida. "It is also time to evolve beyond the sensitive and caring wimp ideal, all heart and no spine.”The Way of the Superior Man presents the ultimate challenge and reward-for today's man: to discover the "unity of heart and spine" through the full expression of consciousness and love in Excellent! A must-read for everyone, especially for men and women in quest of superiority i.e. To meet human-being purpose. It is time to evolve beyond the macho jerk ideal, all spine and no heart," writes David Deida. "It is also time to evolve beyond the sensitive and caring wimp ideal, all heart and no spine.”The Way of the Superior Man presents the ultimate challenge and reward-for today's man: to discover the "unity of heart and spine" through the full expression of consciousness and love in the Infinite openness of the present moment. ISBN 1-59179-257-69

  26. 5 out of 5

    Leonidas Kaplan

    Way of the Superior Man In the constant pursuit of purpose, challenge, and growth, a man must be aware of the energy he constantly gives off. The energy is directed at the purpose he must find, the challenges he will face, and the femininity of women he must discover an understanding of. This can be through reading 'The Male Brain' and 'The Female Brain' to understand biological mechanisms of men and women. Or by fully immersing in 'The Way of the Superior Man' to get a pseudo-spiritual, eastern-an Way of the Superior Man In the constant pursuit of purpose, challenge, and growth, a man must be aware of the energy he constantly gives off. The energy is directed at the purpose he must find, the challenges he will face, and the femininity of women he must discover an understanding of. This can be through reading 'The Male Brain' and 'The Female Brain' to understand biological mechanisms of men and women. Or by fully immersing in 'The Way of the Superior Man' to get a pseudo-spiritual, eastern-angle of masculine and feminine energy dynamics. I want you to join me into a deep understanding the spiritual male with the following quotes: "We are designed to outgrow everything - including our desire to experience and improve the realms of money, sex, and intimacy." "He doesn't need to be right all the time, nor does he need to be always safe, cooperative, and sharing, like an androgynous Mr. Nice Guy." "[The] inner masculine, which, at the level of human character, appears as direction, or clarity of purpose, and vision." "If you are a woman, you are probably more independant than your mother was. If you are a man, you are probably more emotionally expressive and open-minded than your father was." "The 'mission' or the search for freedom is the priority of the masculine, whereas the search for love is the priority of the feminine." "Your intimate relationship is just not as important to you as the 'mission' in your life - but you still want a full and energetic intimate relationship, perhaps quite badly." "Limited money and family obligations have never stopped a man who really wanted to do something, although they provide excuses for a man who is not really up to the creative challenge in the first place. Find out today whether you are willing to do what it takes to give your gift fully. As a first step, spend at least an hour today giving your fullest gift, whatever that is for you today, so that when you go to sleep at night you know you couldn't have lived your day with more courage, creativity, and giving." "The feminine always seems chaotic and complicated from the perspective of the masculine." "Learn to find humor in the unending emotional drama the feminine seems to enjoy so much." "Men who have lived significant lives are men who never waited: not for money, security, ease, or women. Feel what you want to give most as a gift, to your woman and the world, and do what you can to give it today. Every moment waited is a moment wasted, and each wasted moment degrades your clarity of purpose." "Only when the front of your body relaxed and opened, your breath full and deep, and your gaze unguarded and directly connected with another person's eyes, can your fullest intelligence manifest spontaneously in the situation." "Where a man's edge is located is less important than whether he is actually living his edge in truth, rather than being lazy or deluded." "Your edge is where you stop short, or where you compromise your fullest gift, and, instead, cater to your fears." "How many hours today was your attention focused in the realm of changes-on events, people, thoughts, and experiences-and how often was your attention relaxed into its source? Where is your attention right now?" "Only if you are grounded in that which is larger than life, will you be able to play life with humor, knowing that each task is a mirage of necessity." "Every man knows that his highest purpose in life cannot be reduced to any particular relationship. If a man prioritizes his relationship over his highest purpose, he weakens himself, dis-services the universe, and cheats his woman of an authentic man who can offer her full, undivided presense." "In any given moment, a man's growth is optimized if he leans just beyond his edge, his capacity, his fear. He should not be too lazy, happily stagnating in the zone of security and comfort. Nor should he push far beyond his edge, stressing himself unnecessarily, unable to metabolize his experience. He should learn just slightly beyond the edge of fear and discomfort. Constantly. In everything he does." "You are ready for the unknown as it unfolds, since you are not pulled back or pushed forward from the horizon of the moment. You are hanging right over the edge." "Own your fear, and lean just beyond it. In every aspect of your life. Starting now." "If you sheepishly penetrate them to gratify your needs, your woman and the world will feel your lack of dedication, depth, and truth. Rather than yielding in love to your loving, they will distract you, suck your energy, and draw you into endless complications, so that your life and relationship become an almost constant search for release from constraint." "About once a week, you should sit down with your closest men friends and discuss what you are doing in your life, and what you are afraid of doing. The conversation should be short and simple. You should state where you are at. Then, your friends should give you a behavioural experiment, something you can do that will reveal something to you, or grant more freedom in your life." "Without a conscious life-purpose, a man is totally lost, drifting, adapting to events rather than creating events. Without knowing his life-purpose, a man lives a weakened, impotent existence, perhaps eventually becoming even sexually impotent, or prone to mechanical and disinterested sex." "Whatever the specifics of a man's purpose, he must always refresh the trancendental element of his life through regular meditation and retreat. A man should never get lost in the details of life and forget that, ultimately and in truth, life amounts to nothing other than what is the deepest truth of this present moment. Tasks don't get a man anywhere more conscious or free than he is capable of being in this present moment." "When you do your tasks in the right way, they liberate your life energy so that you can attend to what really matters-the investigation, realization, and embodiment of true freedom." "Whereas many women waste precious time swirling in emotional currents and eddies, many men waste their birth seeking the completion of tasks. Nose to the grindstone, day after day, year after year, and you become a robot of duty." "A woman often seems to test her man's capacity to remain unperturbed in his truth and purpose. She tests him to feel his freedom and depth of love, to know that he is trustable. Her tests may come in the form of complaining, challenging him, changing her mind, doubting him, distracting him, or even undermining his purpose in a subtle or not so subtle way. A man should appreciate that she does these things to feel his strength, integrity, and openness. Her desire is for his deepest truth and love. As he grows, so will her testing." "She is challenging you because your success doesn't mean shit to her, unless you are free and loving. And if you are free and loving, nothing she says can collapse you. She wants to feel you are uncollapsable, so she pokes you in your weak spot." "Praise always magnifies the quality of your woman that you praise. 'You're so beautiful when you smile," is much more effective than, 'You're so ugly when you frown,' although they both indicate your desire for her smile. When speaking to your woman, it is always better to call the glass half full than half empty." "Praise works. Information doesn't. Praise motivates. Challenge doesn't. Try it. Praise specific things you love about your woman 5 to 10 times a day. Find out what happens." "A superior man sees his woman's mood not as a curse, but as a challenge and an amusement. There are many ways to creatively deal with her moods and help her to open. Tickle her. Take off your clothes and dance the watusi. Sing opera for her. Make animal sounds. Shout at her louder than you ever have and then kiss her passionately. Press your belly into her until she melts. Lift her off the ground and spin her around. Occasionally, talking with her helps, but not as often as humor and physically expressed love." "Don't tolerate her mood. And don't talk about it with her. Participate in it. Bloom her into fullness. Move her body with your body. Open her heart with your humor. Penetrate her closure with your fearless presence. Open her heart, again and again and again." "You are under the illusion that when you find out the cause of her affliction, then the cure will easily follow. But it doesn't work that way; your questioning is probably making her mood worse." "The next time your woman is in a bad mood, try this: Assume she is not feeling loved." "If you ever find yourself asking your woman questions about her mood while she is still in it, you are already on the wrong road. First, give her love through your eyes, touch, movement, and tone of voice. Then and only then, after the connection of love has been made, find out what remains to be talked about." "Like a ship cutting through a vast ocean, the masculine decides on a course and navigates the direction; the feminine energy itself is undirected but immense, like the wind and deep currents of the ocean, ever changing, beautiful, destructive, and the source of life." "Soap operas, romance novels, and love stories touch many women deeply because the feminine's priority is the flow of love in the relationship. But the masculine priority is purpose and direction. By analyzing your purpose and re-aligning your direction, you can solve many of your emotional problems. But love is the feminine priority, not purpose and direction." "When a woman gets emotionally intense, a mediocre man wants to calm her down and discuss it, or leave and come back later when she is 'sane'. A superior man penetrates her mood with imperturbable love and unwavering consciousness. If she still refuses to live more fully in love, after a time, he lets her go." "Your woman asks you for input, and you say, 'Whatever you want to do it fine with me.' This is the statement of a friend, not a lover." "Masculine men are attracted to forms of feminine energy: radiant women, beer, music, nature, etc. If a man tries to hide his attraction, it reveals some degree of shame with respect to his own sexual core." "Feminine energy gets you out of your head and into your body. Music, beer, nature, women, they are all forms of feminine energy." "You have probably seen men and women in couples like this. The man is more radiant and lively than the woman. The woman is more committed to her direction in life than the man. The relationship is more important to the man, whereas the woman likes to be left alone much of the time. These are signs of a relationship where the man has a more feminine essence and the woman's essense is more masculine." "Uncompromising, youthful, feminine energy turns you on and opens your heart. You actually feel happier around young women. You feel more energetic, alive, and loving. As women get older, they typically take on more and more masculine tasks and responsibilities in our culture, so their radiance begins to decrease." "A major part of mastering sexuality is learning to sustain greater and greater degrees of pleasure and desire in the body, without needing to rid yourself of the force because you can't handle it." "Her complaint should be valued as a reminder to 'get it together', and perhaps as an indication as to how. But more often than not, the specifics of her complaint do not describe the real, underlying action or tendency that needs to be changed." "Your word is a demonstration of your purpose, of your masculine core. When you don't follow through with what you say, you are going to do, she feels that your masculine core is weak." "She usually is speaking in a very tangential, but revelatory, style. She is revealing your unconscious habits that prevent your fullest awakening in consciousness. Your unconsciousness causes her pain. She won't say it that way, but that's what she is indicating." "Although she would never admit it, she wants to feel that her man would be willing to sacrifice their relationship for the sake of his highest purpose." "All masculine goals - at work, on the meditation cushion, or on the football field - are directed toward more freedom." "The feminine on the other hand, is not seeking freedom, but love. A woman's bliss is not in emptiness, but in fullness. Her means is not release, but surrender." "To desire to ravish is the sexual aspect of the same masculine desire that wants to break through opponents on a basketball court, break through philosophical barriers to intellectual insights, or break through the fear of death into spiritual freedom." "The secret is to match her energy with consciousness demonstrated through your body. If she is screaming and breaking dishes, your body must meet her energy. Your fearlessness and strength of love must manifest through your body." "This sense of starvation - 'life is not sustaining me' or 'there are no good women' - is usually rooted in a man's early childhood relationship with his mother." "There is a difference between your knee-jerk response to a cute babe and the open-hearted awe and mindless swoon you feel in the company of a woman who moves, breathes, smiles, and shines radiant feminine energy like a goddess." "If your purpose is to become ever more free of your self-burdens and give your true to the world, then a spiritually mature woman - who won't let you slather in your comfy habits of security and distraction - may be an excellent ally for your journey." "If you are a man, you have probably found yourself inspired at some time or another by a woman. Such inspiration is usually temporary, because most men don't know how to cultivate their relationship to the feminine. They tend to be inspired, and then spurt it out, through spasms of thought and ejaculation. Then they seek inspiration again, through more women, or through other feminine sources, such as alcohol, drugs, or nature." "His whole relation to appearance is epitomized in his relation to women, either as obsession, distraction, or revelation." "Notice the obsessions - tits, ass, wealth, and fame - and practice the revelation of oneness by feeling through obsessions." "In a subtle way, excess ejaculations will diminish your courage to take risks, professionally and spiritually. You will settle for doing enough to get by, to be comfortable, but you will find that you would rather watch TV than write your novel, meditate, or make that important phone call." [On Meditation] "Right now, notice your breath. Are you inhaling so deeply you feel your genitals bulging slightly? Is your belly rising and falling with your inhale and exhale, like a mightly bellow? Your belly and lower abdomen are special places of power. If your breath does not reach these areas, you can't recharge your batteries. You will feel weak and unsure of yourself. Your effect in the world will be minimal, less than your full potential. Inhale deeply, through your nose, and breath through whatever tensions you notice in your body. Inhale deeply into your lower belly. Then exhale. On your next inhalation, breathe into your lower and upper belly. Then exhale. On your next inhalation, fill your entire belly, then your solar plexus and lower chest. Then exhale. Then inhale and fill your belly, solar plexus, and your entire chest, in that order. For several breaths, inhale fully in this way, filling your belly, solar plexus and finally your chest. Then exhale fully, slowly, and smoothly." "The technique for converting depletive orgasms into rejuvenative orgasms involves contracting the pelvic floor near the genitals and drawing energy upwards along the spine, through the use of breath, feeling and intention." "Breath moves life energy through your body as well as your partner's. If your breathing becomes too shallow, the life force cannot be conducted through your body." "In addition to contracting the floor of your pelvis, practice pulling it upward into your body and toward your spine. This upward pull will actually lift your scrotum slightly up toward your body. As a single movement, practice contracting and pulling upward the entire floor of your pelvis, including the anus, perineum, and genitals. You can practice this in sets of 15 or 20 contractions, holding them as long as you can. Do several sets like this, three or four times a day." "When the energy shoots up your spine, relax and enjoy the colors, feelings and bliss that will fill your head and rain down through your body. Once you are proficient at this exercise, you can evoke the same sensations in your partner by feeling into your partner from your heart as the orgasm shoots up your spine. The upward movement of your energy will magnetize the same movement in hers." "If you have a masculine sexual essence, then your woman and children can be loving you all day and night, but if your career or mission is obstructed, you will not feel at ease. You won't even want to share much intimate time with your woman until you have your career or mission back on track." "If your woman has rejected her feminine core, then she is struggling against her inherent heart-connection with you. She will try to identify with her masculine side, attempting to de-prioritize you and your relationship. She will think that she must 'live her own life' and put more energy into her own career, for instance." "When your life is truly aligned with your highest purpose, you will become more present, more loving, and more humorous." "A less spiritually mature man may say to his woman, "My way or the highway!" A man in the process of growing will often soften his direction and seek a compromise with his woman, playing Mr. Nice Guy. But a superior man will not settle for less than the fullest incarnation of love of which he and his woman are capable." "You can meditate until you're blue in the face, but it won't work, if, when it comes down to it, you'd rather masterbate, read the newspaper, or watch TV than cut through your addictions, discipline your daily life, and give your gift from your deepest, most blissful source." "In order to get along together, she will begin to adopt your masculine patterns of speech, denying her feminine desire to flow in play and pleasure without having to make masculine-style sense or fulfill a purpose. You will begin to adopt her feminine patterns of touch and affection, denying your desire to get down to it, with your mission or your woman." "In other means, besides austerity, for rediscovering your masculine core is through challenge. The more superficial forms of challenge include activities like mountain climbing, ropes courses, competitive sports, and boot camp. These forms of physical challenge instantly enliven the masculine sense of purpose and direction, in men and women." "The point is, there must be a consequence for freezing in the face of fear. There are obvious consequences for freezing in the face of fear when mountian climbing or playing competitive sports. You must instill consequences throughout the rest of your life, unless you want to cling to the safety net of superficial pleasures." "If your friend is wasting his life, tell him so, because you love him." "Even during celebrations, though, there should be a challenge to remain conscious and undistracted." ------------------ I honestly believe that this is required reading once a year to stay aligned within your masculine essence. 10/10 stars for spirituality

  27. 4 out of 5

    Ebraham Ahmad

    Audiobooked

  28. 5 out of 5

    Bart Breen

    Maleness from another Perspective Reviewing a book often reveals as much or even more at times, of the reviewer as the book itself. So in an effort to be fair and as objective as possible, there are a few things that should be disclosed by this reviewer up front. First, the cultural and religious perspective of this reviewer comes from a different perspective than that of the author of this book. The cultural perspective of the book, although not overwhelmingly so, is Indian, Hindu with a strong Maleness from another Perspective Reviewing a book often reveals as much or even more at times, of the reviewer as the book itself. So in an effort to be fair and as objective as possible, there are a few things that should be disclosed by this reviewer up front. First, the cultural and religious perspective of this reviewer comes from a different perspective than that of the author of this book. The cultural perspective of the book, although not overwhelmingly so, is Indian, Hindu with a strong focus on yoga. This reviewer has a decidedly western cultural background as well as a post-evangelical religious perspective. That said, most of the book deals with things in a manner that puts what it has to say in a context that doesn't require the reader to accept the cultural and religious elements, such as they are, to understand what is being said and to receive and apply many of the truths it has to say. There is a strong focus upon recognition of energy both in terms of quality and quantity and how to achieve internal balance as well as relational balance. The author clearly is not concerned with being politically correct in many contexts and layers the book with strong statements of gender differences in terms of energy and psyche that many readers will be challenged by. This is no doubt intentional. In terms of the basic content of the book, I frankly found a lot of common ground with books in my experience that come from a more decidedly secular point of view such as Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex or Iron John: A Book About Men and Christian works such as Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul. Some readers may take offense at some of the language in places. The author is not afraid to use some course terms although they are not consistently used and it was evident to this reviewer they were used for emphasis rather than for gratuitous shock value. With all of these things recognized many who approach this book, even with the cultural and religious overtones understood there is likely still to be some challenges. There are elements within the book, which this reader still found very close to a sense of machismo in places that comes across very strongly. However, there also were elements that moved beyond that to a focus upon servanthood and sacrificial love that would "preach" just as well within a Christian Church or men's retreat that demonstrate the commonality of human experience and values across different spectrums. What this book adds however, to other books from different perspectives is a very deep level of practical suggestions in terms of actions within relationship and physical elements of control and self-discipline that are much more down to earth that other books of this nature that I've read. Those, like me, however, who don't have a great deal of practical exposure or experience in Yoga may find those elements, which require a great deal of practice and discipline, a little much. Outside of that however, the practical and general teachings and suggestions of the book, in most places, transcend any one cultural or religious system and will challenge most men in more than one area of their lives and relationships. This may seem trifling but it's worth noting as well that the book is peppered with small spelling and grammatical errors that gives evidence of a lack of attention to editing that this reader found annoying overall. Overall, a worthy read. 4 Stars Bart Breen

  29. 5 out of 5

    Elyse

    Incredible book.

  30. 4 out of 5

    Кирил А.

    Well, the book is definitely worth the read. There are 3 development modes in humans. In the first stage people are selfish and thing only about themselves. It is interesting to notice that man usually go from the first stage to the second by exploring more their feminine. This is also true for the women as well they go in the second stage by exploring their masculine side. In the second stage people start to thing about their family and friends as well not only about themselves. And the third s Well, the book is definitely worth the read. There are 3 development modes in humans. In the first stage people are selfish and thing only about themselves. It is interesting to notice that man usually go from the first stage to the second by exploring more their feminine. This is also true for the women as well they go in the second stage by exploring their masculine side. In the second stage people start to thing about their family and friends as well not only about themselves. And the third stage is when you become one with the nature. Women want attention as simple as that. When you are at home with your woman partner and you are not giving her your presence she will provoke you to be present by creating arguments if necessary. She knows your weak points and how you get affected and she is going to press these buttons to get a reaction from you because for her it is better to get an argument than no reaction from you. Another interesting point is that the way of development of the masculine is through criticize. This explains that when you are in the army the commander is shouting that you should do better. However, on the other side the feminine can be developed by compliments. So the way to motivate a girl is by positive affirmation like I like how you look when you go working out. Men tend to rely on the history and women don't. When you are with a women for a few years and make a mistake the women starts to think that she can not trust you anymore. It does not matter for her that you have been 'perfect' to this point. The muscular side is different if a woman makes a mistake the man starts to rationalize. Because she has been doing good for the last few years and has a good track record probably he will be able to continue the relationship. He may not want to sleep with the woman now but after some time it will be alright. So a woman if living in the moment and the track record is irrelevant but for the male side is the opposite. Women want someone is will make mistakes. Someone who is willing to risk make a mistake then some adjustment and then make more mistakes with more adjustments. The exercises with a partner are interesting trying to feel how present is your partner in the moment. The first version is by saying how present is the partner by numbers from 0 to 10 0 being least present and 10 being in the zone. The other exercise is asking your partner what is his deepest purpose and giving him feedback how in the moment he is by the way he is saying it.

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